By: Haley Huestis | Married to Josh Huestis, Player for FC Bayern Munich
Let me start by saying all you mamas out there know better than I do what it’s like to get unsolicited advice. What is it about being pregnant or having a kid makes it okay for people to share their unprovoked opinion? 🙄 Anyways… I have recently become aware of a similar pattern of unwanted recommendations – and judgment for that matter – related to my lifestyle as I am sure most of you in the professional basketball world have experienced as well. And now that I am aware of it, I notice it ALL THE TIME and realize it’s been happening since day one of joining this industry.
Here’s the type of questions and advice I get regularly:
“Do you work?” No, I don’t work. “You should get a job.”
“Don’t you get bored?” Yes, sometimes I get bored. “You should go back to school.”
“Do you have kids?” No, we don’t have kids. “You should have kids, that will keep you busy.”
“What do you do all day?” That’s none of your business.
Since moving to Europe, I have become hyper-aware of the unsolicited advice and specifically the judgment behind it. Maybe that has something to do with their culture or maybe it’s because I am a tad insecure sometimes, who knows? But the fact of the matter is that it has been going on since I started dating Josh.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not complaining…okay maybe a little…but not about the lifestyle, about having to explain myself and justify why I don’t work, what I do all day, etc. I get it, there are people out there who do 10x as much as I do and work an 8-hour day, come home and cook dinner or clean the house. Kudos to those people – seriously, I have so much respect for them! But the reality is, that’s not something that fits our lifestyle at the moment.
Sure, Josh and I have talked about me getting a job. In fact, when I first move to Oklahoma to be with Josh, I had a job and as much as I loved it, we both decided that it didn’t fit OUR lifestyle and was not conducive to our needs and wants. BUT I am not here to justify that or any other decision we have made for that matter.
I am here to say you’re not alone if you have felt judged or received unwanted advice regarding your way of life. Whether you work a full-time job or don’t work at all, live in a different city than your significant other or just moved in with them, have 6 kids or don’t have any – that’s great! Keep doing what YOU want to do!
I wish I could tell you that I found a way to avoid the unsolicited recommendations, but I haven’t and, as all the mamas out there know, it NEVER stops. So, buckle up. When we get unwelcome advice, all we can really do is respond politely (or not so politely😂) and remind ourselves that this is OUR life to live, not theirs. Remind ourselves that their opinion doesn’t matter and to keep doing what makes us happy, because at the end of the day, that’s what is important.